Valentine's Day Science: Singles in America, Online Dating, and the Evolution of Love

On Valentine’s Day, Flora Lichtman speaks with Justin Garcia, executive director of the Kinsey Institute, about the Kinsey Institute Match partnership and the ongoing Singles in America study. They discuss how many adults are single in the United States, why modern courtship can be longer and more flexible, and how online dating compares to in-person dating in terms of forming lasting relationships. The conversation covers slow love, family involvement in mating decisions, and the rise of consensual non-monogamy, all while offering practical advice for dating-app users to present themselves effectively online. The takeaway: dating today blends traditional human mating biology with new technologies, reshaping how we connect and commit.

Overview

Flora Lichtman hosts a Valentine’s Day episode of Science Friday featuring Justin Garcia, executive director of the Kinsey Institute. Garcia, an evolutionary biologist and scientific advisor to Match.com, discusses the Kinsey Institute's annual Singles in America study, a major effort to understand attitudes and behaviors of single adults in the United States. The conversation emphasizes the scale and history of the project, the integration with a major dating platform, and how these data illuminate contemporary mating, dating, and relationship dynamics in a context shaped by technology and changing social norms.

Garcia notes that the Singles in America study has been conducted since 2010 in partnership with Match, and it now encompasses over 80,000 people in the sample across 15 years of data. He explains that the study aims to understand who is single, how singles behave, and how relationship structures have evolved in recent decades, highlighting that more adults move in and out of singlehood than in the past. He also situates these patterns within an evolutionary framework, considering pressures on mating and the social environment that shapes intimacy and love in modern society.

One of the central themes is the tension between traditional relationship norms and the digital age. The discussion touches on the arrival of online dating as a mainstream mechanism for forming partnerships, the time people spend courting and dating before defining a relationship, and the shift toward what has been called slow love, where individuals take time to get to know their partners and to decide how to structure intimacy and commitment.

The Singles in America Study: Scale, Scope, and Implications

The conversation delves into the size and significance of the Singles in America study. Garcia emphasizes that the study is the largest of its kind focused on US singles, with thousands of participants added each year and a cumulative sample that now exceeds eighty thousand individuals. He notes that estimates of single adults in the United States exceed one hundred million, underscoring the demographic importance of singles as a substantial portion of the population with broad economic and social implications. He frames these data as valuable for understanding the evolution of love and mating in a world with diverse relationship structures and evolving life trajectories.

Garcia also connects the data to broader social and economic patterns, noting that singles influence various aspects of society beyond romance, including consumer behavior and social life. He argues that the sheer number of single adults—coupled with longer courtships and more flexible relationship patterns—constitutes a historically unusual phase in human mating biology and psychology, offering a window into how contemporary environments reshape mating strategies and relationship choices.

Online Dating vs In-Person Dating: Are the Outcomes Comparable?

Addressing a common assumption, the guests compare online dating with traditional in-person dating. They reference studies that track relationship trajectories—whether couples met in bars, clubs, through friends, or via online platforms—and find that the long-term outcomes are largely similar. Garcia notes that online dating provides a different pathway to partnership, often drawing in people who are actively seeking relationships, but the stability and longevity of relationships formed online are not inherently worse than those formed offline. The discussion highlights that online dating tends to increase participants’ motivation to partner because they are already operating within a dating ecosystem, though it also raises questions about data quality and selection effects.

The speakers also discuss the distinction between active daters and singles who are not actively dating, as well as concerns about whether “success” should be measured by longevity, satisfaction, or other metrics. The core takeaway is that online dating has become a mainstream conduit for forming relationships, and while it introduces new dynamics and challenges, relationships formed online can be as stable as those formed offline, depending on the individuals and contexts involved.

Slow Love, Kin, and the Social Environment

Another through-line is the social and evolutionary context in which love develops. The conversation revisits the concept of slow love, a term discussed with the late anthropologist Helen Fisher. Slow love describes a shift away from rapid marriage toward longer courtships, with people investing time to understand a partner’s ins and outs before entering a committed relationship. This pattern is framed as an adaptive response to the information-rich, digitally mediated dating environment where people can learn a great deal about a potential partner before formalizing a bond. The discussion also situates love within a broader social ecology, illustrating how kin, families, and communities influence mate choices and relationship outcomes. Garcia points out that humans are deeply embedded in social networks, and the involvement of kin is a uniquely human feature of mating and dating that can shape decisions and relationship pathways.

"Slow love is the idea behind slow love, that we're seeing people slow down the courtship process." - Justin Garcia

Open Relationships, Novelty, and Negotiating Fidelity

The speakers turn to how people manage fidelity and sexual novelty in light of changing relationship structures, including consensual non-monogamy. They note that surveys show a substantial minority of people have explored open relationships, while many long-term couples maintain passion by incorporating novelty into their shared life—through travel, new activities, and in and out of the bedroom. The discussion emphasizes that the tension between relationship structure and sexual novelty persists, and that openness to exploring different configurations can reflect deeper desires for connection and variety within a committed context.

Garcia suggests that even when open relationships are pursued, the underlying drive remains to negotiate a strong pair bond, balancing intimacy with novelty in ways that work for each couple.

Practical Advice for Dating App Users

The dialogue closes with actionable tips for people using dating apps. Garcia stresses that many users focus on their own search criteria while neglecting the two-way nature of online dating. He advises investing in one’s profile—sharing photos that convey something meaningful about the person and filling out profile information—to give others something to connect with. He points out that many people start with overly strict criteria and miss the possibility of falling in love with someone they might not initially find attractive, underscoring the importance of keeping an open mind while presenting oneself authentically online. He emphasizes that profiles are a crucial part of the dating process and that actively engaging with how one is perceived can improve the odds of meaningful matches.

"you have to engage with your own profile. You have to put pictures that say something about you, profile information that says something about you, because just as you're out there searching for someone, other people are searching for you" - Justin Garcia

Conclusion

The episode weaves together population-level data from the Singles in America study, the rise of online dating as a central tool for forming partnerships, and the enduring human biology of love and kinship. It highlights how contemporary social structures—work patterns, digital connectivity, and evolving norms around monogamy and openness—create new possibilities for intimacy while preserving the core human need to connect with others. The conversation leaves listeners with a nuanced view of love as a dynamic, socially embedded phenomenon shaped by biology, culture, and technology, and ends with practical guidance for navigating dating apps in a thoughtful, authentic way.

"Those numbers are relatively similar." - Justin Garcia